Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Dear Friends,
Here now is part 2 of my thirty-day retreat. You will see that my spiritual director had a change and allows me to live the Passion of Our Lord. Anyway, continue to read.
Father Melvin
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My Thirty-day Retreat – Part 2
21st April 1990 – The retreat continues. I saw my spiritual director with the result that I feel he is afraid of what is going on in my prayer – the Spirit seems to be leading me to the Passion of Christ, which should come only in the 3rd week. He told me to forget about the Passion for now and to concentrate on the meditations for the first week. He was very insistent on following the right procedure and I was not to decide on my own what I was to meditate on. My director causes me great anxiety as I feel he does not understand what is going on in my prayer and I might be the cause of that, as I don’t explain sufficiently. Yet I am sure the Lord will guide him and show him what is the proper way to proceed. I am praying for God’s guidance right now. This evening I plan to go to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre to pray there for a while, the very place where the sufferings He shares with me these days took place.
22nd April 1990 – What a difference a day can make! Today I saw my spiritual director again and all my anxieties are gone! Fr. Luc has accepted that this retreat of mine will be concentrated on the Passion of Our Lord, so he has given me the green light to meditate only on Jesus’ sufferings. This afternoon I began with the Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane according to Matthew. During the second hour I meditated on the account in Luke. These two hours have been times of complete immersion with Jesus. I feel great peace in my heart. Last night at 20:10, I went alone through deserted streets to the Holy Sepulchre, and I arrived at 20:20 as they were ringing the bell to announce the closing of the doors in 15 minutes. I asked one person at the door if I could go in and he said I could enter for ten minutes. So, I quickly went to the place of the Crucifixion and kissed the floor where the Cross was planted in the ground. After a short prayer I went to the Holy Sepulchre and prayed there till closing time.
23rd April 1990 – What a fruitful day with Jesus this was! Jesus wants me to keep a diary of this retreat and to write down all that He tells me in prayer. He says these experiences in prayer will be of great help later on.
Now let me go back to the beginning of the retreat and summarize what has been going on in prayer. Since the beginning I have been with Jesus as He suffers the Passion. On 19th while undergoing the Agony with Jesus I heard these words: “I am dying on the Cross for YOU. Now you have to die to self.” On 20th while experiencing the Agony with Jesus, He asked: “Do you love me more than these?” On 21st while sharing the pain of the Cross with Jesus He said: “I love you.” In the evening of the same day while at prayer Jesus put me in His Heart as He was on the Cross so that I could taste and feel some of the sufferings of His Crucifixion. He said to me, “I forgive you all your sins from your youth till today.” I thanked Him with a heart full of gratitude.